Pre dep

Sunday, August 2nd, 2009 – 1st full day of pre-departure training

How am I feeling? I woke up feeling disoriented. Struggling between feeling like I belonged in that house, belonged in the preparation for this placement and feeling as though I was really not sure why I was there. Or if I deserved to be there…or if I would be effective at being there. And not that putting others down to make yourself feel better is a method of confidence boosting I would ever support, I would be lying if I said that the other girls sharing those feelings did not help me feel more grounded about my emotions. Their struggles and emotional battles helped me feel as though mine were normal and more importantly, temporary. We had a common ground…always a good place to start building…ground up.

We made our way to the Bahen centre at U of T where Binnu was ready with enthusiasm and motivation and lots of markers and flip chart paper. Today was to be a day all about expectations. What did we expect from ourselves, what was expected from us of EWB, what we expect from EWB and the placement. We started with mapping out how each of us got to be there on the floor that day, packsack at the EWB house, leaving for Ghana in 3 days. It was a great way to learn about each other’s lives. And to see how different our journey’s had been so far but also highlighting some key commonalities that brought us together. We set up ground rules for the next few days and then went over a quick overview of what we would be doing while in Toronto.

We moved the session outside and while sitting on the concrete steps of what seemed to be the Chem engineering building, we expressed hopes and fears. And with every hope you could see it being a fear and of course every fear could just as easily be a hope. Some of the most common fears were: not knowing how to react when asked directly for money or food, having a negative impact (consciously or unconsciously), feeling lonely and homesick, feeling frustrated and feeling like change was impossible. I mean how terrifying is that? Getting there, working, integrating culturally and feeling as though you are uncertain if what we are doing is actually making a difference. A fear of failure….
LUNCH DATE:
We each had a one hour one-on-one lunch date with a former OVS. The objective was to set up goals for pre-dep and the placement and for them to ask questions that challenged us. Delicious lunch, good conversation, great questions. Thank you Kristy!
The afternoon brought up the EWB expected criteria of an overseas staff:
From this learning we were to come up with a challenge for each of us to push out boundaries…oh yes…an important concept: zones. There are 3: comfort zone, learning zone and danger zone. EWB enjoys pushing to the learning zone and beyond. Basically it means putting yourself in a situation that makes you uncomfortable and seeing how you react to it and how you grow because of it. Not like standing up naked in front of the class uncomfortable but like standing up presenting an idea you have that has not yet been accepted uncomfortable. Or being challenged on a point of view or opinion to the edge of uncomfortable to see how you are able to defend yourself.

We went over the definitions of poverty and development. It was an interesting exercise. How do you define poverty??? And development??? Think about it for a minute. After compiling our individual answers were essentially defined poverty as a lack of opportunity. A lack of basics that would allow the creation of more opportunities. It has to do with inadequate state to reach one’s potential. Development seemed to be multi-dimensional. It is a field and institution as well as a dynamic process....

We wrapped up with a brief session with Kyle of the importance of communication and audiences. Who do we want to share our placement with? And how are we going to go about doing that? 4 questions to ask ourselves when it comes to audiences: who is the audience? what are they thinking now? what do i want them to think? how do i get them there?

It was quite the day. We left the building wow did I feel overwhelmed. It did not seem possible that I would be in Ghana in a few days. I felt that I would need a month of sessions to get me anywhere close to where I needed to be mentally. We talked and talked about our fears and the overall consensus of that overwhelmed feeling. In a way, to counter all the flustered feelings, we were supporting each other and pulling each other through.

We had delicious lasagna for dinner and read a case study about Sunflower growing as a cash crop in Benin in preparation for a session the next morning. I was the last to go to sleep, my mind racing with the sessions from the day and my heart missing those who would normally be there for me when stressed but thankful for the new people in my life that were supporting me.


Amazing thing of the day:
Right when I needed it the most, immediately after leaving the Bahen centre, after standing in the middle of the sidewalk expressing vulnerability, Nadia provided us with a line that resonated so clearly: we have to have faith in our capacity to adapt. Even though we were feeling overwhelmed and anxious and unsure, we have to be confident that we are stronger than we give ourselves credit.